It's amazing where your mind can travel when you start to question things. And for some reason, I thought I had to understand everything... all the time. Why this, why that... but this, but that!?! Please explain and give me details because I need them so I can understand.
Do you notice the theme here?
I, me
Whoa...
The Lord is so good to me. Gracious, merciful, faithful. As I questioned what I was "feeling", a sense of not growing where I was and questioning what He wanted me to "do"... He used as a time to teach me and reveal who He is.
For many months, I thought my "feeling of restlessness" was time to leave our church. Odd, because I was connected and serving in different areas... GG's in the fall, middle school girls Sunday School, VBS, Clothes Closet, and Small Group. So, we began visiting churches, 4 to be exact. They were all great churches and I received good teaching from each sermon. The sermons all began to have a common theme... Praying, hearing God's voice, and pride.
Of course, I want to hear from my Father. I wanted Him to tell me why I was feeling what I was feeling. But I began to see that a piece of me had to die... so that I could gain.
I listened to an old Adrian Rogers sermon titled
The Problem with Pride.
Two points made in the sermon CONVICTED me.
*Pride DEFIES God.
*Pride DIVIDES society.
His word says,
"Everyone proud in heart is an ABOMINATION to the Lord"... Proverbs 16:5
It is SO hard when you realize that you are the problem!
After confessing it to the Lord, He immediately revealed that He has placed me in a precious church family that He chose for me for a purpose. The funny thing is, He has repeatedly said, "You do not need to understand why... I AM GOD, not you... pray, seek My face, and trust me."
Christ's Church is messy, which means I am messy, too. It is not always going to be what you think it should be. You will question "why" and you may want to understand things that make you say"huh?!?!" But the Lord is the ONLY one who understands why... and guess what? You have to be ok and at peace with that. After all, He is God, the Holy One who sits on the throne, Highly Exalted!
I am thankful for this season of growing... the Potter molding the clay, so that I may be more like Him. Pride had to die, so that I could gain understanding... even if it is understanding who is truly in charge! To think that pride almost took me away from my church (my society) and that I defied the Lord, makes me weep... in front of my family, my small group, the kid's youth pastor, and in the presence of my Father.
He is faithful... I have excitement now, a sense of peace, and an expectancy to see what lies ahead. There is urgency in the air to pray, seek His face, and to wait on Him.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5~6
